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SERVICES
 If you find yourself putting all of your time and energy into a relationship - or a job - my training in Recovery Coaching can help to keep you moving forward in your life, clarifying and then reaching your goals and dreams, a day at a time, a step at a time. Certain behaviours and patterns of thinking can become entrenched over time and can hinder your motivation and progress in everyday life. They can begin slowly and, before you know it, your whole life seems to revolve around a person or a job.
I have a great deal of knowledge and understanding of this behaviour and the ways in which it can to ripple through a person’s life. My role is to keep you motivated to achieve your goals and long-term sustainable serenity.... and when you pick up the phone, you've taken that first step to achieving your goal!
A Recovery Coach is not a counsellor, a therapist or a sponsor – the coach/client relationship is one of equals and our focus is on the present and the future, not on the past. I have worked a great deal with clients who are stuck in a rut and who may be experiencing depression and/or anxiety and are working with a therapist. This approach has proven to be extremely beneficial to the client in keeping her motivated.
 When our every thought seems to obsess around a particular person and we become 'dependent' upon them (which can take many forms), the term ‘codependency’ is often used to describe this way of being. This term has been defined and redefined over the last 20 years or so. It is generally used to describe a particular way of behaving in a relationship with a partner, child, family member or friend and its key element involves an intense and overwhelming desire to care for another’s wellbeing before one’s own. This is a behaviour which could be considered unhealthy and ultimately harmful to both the individual who behaves in this way and the person(s) the behaviour is directed towards.
In order to fully understand codependency, many theorists have looked at the codependent’s family of origin, as often an unhealthy pattern of relating and attaching to others is formed in a dysfunctional household. For instance, coming from a home in which emotional or physical abuse occurred or the effects of addiction or mental illness was witnessed, often has an impact upon the child which might then set up the patterns which lead to codependency problems in later life.
A person who experienced childhood trauma of some description might be drawn into relationships with others (s)he believes would benefit from his/her help – a need to control another person’s behaviour in order “to make things right”. Often a fairytale ending is in the mind of the codependent, who never quite manages to attain happiness because (s)he cannot control the other person’s behaviour and so the dream of a perfect life is never quite fulfilled.
High expectations, conscientiousness, over-caring, over-working, feelings of worthlessness or not being 'good enough', severe anxiety, low self-esteem and ultimately depression are all part and parcel of codependence. The codependent person is always last on her own list.
It is suggested that predominantly (but not exclusively) women are conditioned to be caregivers and this idea is taken to an extreme within codependency which is, in itself, an addiction.... but to another individual. This is often - but not exclusively - seen in relationships where one or both partners is addicted to work/food/alcohol/gambling/drugs/video games and, as a result of this, becomes disconnected from the relationship.
Overcoming codependency takes time and real effort – it is an habitual behaviour which has developed often - but not exclusively - as a response to traumatic events but, as any habit, it can be unlearned in time, replaced by healthier, more rewarding and fulfilling behaviours... one day at a time... one step at a time. It could be that you're not, in fact, codependent but maybe you've just forgotten how to put yourself first - please get in touch if you'd like to arrange a chat
If you would like to learn more about codependency, please follow the links below, which will include suggested reading.
www.melodybeattie.com
www.piamellody.com
Should you wish to consider working on overcoming codependency, please email me to arrange an informal chat. This is an ongoing process which can result in positive, permanent, life-enhancing changes beginning the moment you decide to make this call.
If you've been contemplating a big move - could be a new business venture, retraining for the job you'd love to do, moving to Australia, or even leaving a relationship - taking a few Positive Footsteps could help you to make the decision which feels right for you.
Using work as a means of escaping other areas of our life that we'd rather not look at (or deal with) is pretty common. Do you feel that work has taken over your life? You're not sure how it happened or even why... but you'd like to switch focus now and create a WHOLE life? Working together to restore some harmony in your life hands you back the reins. Whenever an area of our life takes over, it's time to take stock and take a few Positive Footsteps to redress the balance.
 Maybe you're thinking about coaching but would like to work with a small group of women, with a different focus each session? As a group, you come up with the topics [I can offer guidance] and we agree together about how often we'd meet [weekly/fortnightly/monthly].
Contact me if you'd like to learn more or to register your interest in a group.
Have you considered giving your mother, your sister, your daughter, your partner or your friend the opportunity to focus on her own life and discover strategies and tools to allow her to live a more fulfilled and satisfying life? What about even being kind to yourself? I'm offering a rather special gift package tailored to your budget - A Discovery Session ['Getting to know you and what your hopes and dreams might be'] plus a further 2 half-hour coaching/mentoring sessions to keep up the momentum of moving forward. Please get in touch if you'd like to learn more or would like to discuss this or an alternative package.
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