How can we truly love another when we don't love ourselves first and foremost?
We seem to take it for granted that the word "love" is understood to mean the same thing for all people. But what if you've been brought up in a chaotic household? What if "love" had conditions attached to it? "If you behave in this way, then you are worthy of my love...". Those beliefs often go unquestioned right into adulthood and so the way we relate to others will invariably have some aspect of this to it. It could be that we're drawn to those who attach conditions to their love... It could also be that we attach conditions to our love. At the heart of these controlling and manipulative behaviours is fear... and, as a codependent, searching around for crumbs of affection is the norm. Trying to get people to like you by over-caring... by being the best partner/lover/friend/daughter/ son/workmate etc, we stand a chance of securing love. Is that true?
When we don't love ourselves, first and foremost, a huge chasm is felt inside and someone who experiences codependency will attempt to fill it by giving their all to someone - or something - leaving nothing for themselves. Low self-esteem, a lack of self-confidence and little or no self-belief are symptomatic of this behaviour.
What one thing could you do for yourself today?
Try one of the affirmations in this photo, as an "I am.."
"I am awesome!"
"I am appreciated!"
"I am loved!"
"I am enough!"
"I have enough!"
How does that feel? If you're having trouble even saying this, let alone believing it, maybe you could benefit from recovery coaching and start to work on your most important relationship - the one you have with yourself. In relearning love and letting go of conditions (the opposite of being a doormat!), your life becomes more joyful and less stressful, as you become more accepting of others and begin to let go of the need to control.
I would urge you to see your Doctor (if you haven't already) if you are feeling overwhelmed and have considered hurting yourself - or others.